My condolence

A speacial blog to my dear…

Hi dear,

My heart is filled with sadness at your loss of your daddy – died on 4th February 2010, Thursday at 6.30am.    I cannot imagine the pain you feel now but I wanted to let you know that my loving thought is  with you.  I know it’s a hard time for you and your family at this time.  I hope you and your family will be strong.  [I don't know how to comfort you, dear.]

But I know something which is God gave us a true person that remains with us through the rest of our lives, so close yet not with us in body any longer.  I know you would let me know  if there is anything at all I can do, but I just wanted to let you know that I am here for you, my dear  regardless of day or night.

You are always in my thought and prayer..

Love always from me xoxoxo..

It’s time to change…

Hello guys

How are you?  Hope you are fine.  As myself, I am not sure why couldn’t I sleep tonight.  I went to bed before 11 tonight and still my brain couldn’t stop ‘thinking’.  And as you can see, I am awake and writing you.  If you noticed, I’ve changed my appearance theme.  It’s time to change anyway. Do you like it? 

Chinese New Year is just around the corner.  Mom is busy with biscuit-making.  She loves to bake and cook as I mentioned to you so many times. I am sure she must be tired at the moment as she has to make sure all of her biscuit order are ready before Chinese New Year.   

Last weekend I went to Tanjung Malim, Perak.  I had a talk in Kuala Kubu Selangor on Saturday morning.  So, I stayed at my good friend’s house.  Thank you sis   I had a great time and as usual, my journey really openned my eyes about God’s miracle and how mighty He is! 

Came back today and back to my apartment.  It’s good to be home but kinda lonely. I think I am getting older and want some good company around. LOL   But it’s OK. 

Some of you may aware.  My birthday is just around the corner as well.  My mom has persuaded me to fly back on my birthday.  I couldn’t resist.  I am sure you know how important our parents’ wishes are, right?  I know this short trip will be tiring for me.  But I hope I can enjoy myself without any hassles around.  I need to do my assignments and think and write about my research.  It’s time to move on and refocus.  I need to catch and speed up!  I think that’s why I couldn’t sleep as I start to worry again… 

Let’s talk about my birthday…something soothes me..ahahah…   I will be 32 this year.  LOL.   I am 32!  Can you believe that?  Last week in the class, one of the students told everyone I looked like a child. I was so blushing.  Well, I took her comment as a compliment.  From the ‘other’ side, I really need to think how to ‘look’ mature.  Any idea how? lol… Bless her! 

All right then..I think it’s time to change another topic..hope to write you more soon.

Till then, take care and a very good night to everyone out there  

Love ~ Emma xx.

First morning

Good morning everyone,

Hope you are fine I am fine, just feel exhausted after cleaning and moving in to my own apartment.  Having my breakfast with a cup of milo and peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich.  Watching TV3. Today is Hari Wilayah for Kuala Lumpur, Labuan and Putraya. 

My first night over here was all right.  It was true that it was hard for me to sleep on my first night at anywhere.  But everything was fine last night.  A really good friend of mine helped me a lot since I came here.  Thanks sis!   Last night, we tried my new electrical cooker.  We cooked spagetti. hehehe…. It was funny. We used three frying pans and all of them burnt because of me!  heheheh….The spagetti turned just OK.  hehehe…Sis ate one whole load of spagetti!Believe it or not!  hehehe…My conclusion from last night ‘burnt incident’ is I need to get as an ordinary stove and gas.  hhahaha…I thought I am not going to cook a lot so there is no point to get the stove and gas.  hehehhe..I think it’s better for me to get them so that I won’t burn the pots!

I rent a car today to go to uni.  I hope I will get my car this week.  Please pray for me. 

Will off to uni soon. 

pssssttt…I need a massage!!!  hahahahah LOL

All right then, hope to write you more and share my moving process with you. Till then,  take care and have a good day ahead. 

It’s bright and shine in Seri Kembangan by the way

Love~ Emma xoxo

Hello everyone :)

Hi everyone,

How are you doing? Hope you are alright. Myself, I am happy with my current life. Alhamdullillah   I know things are getting ‘crazier’ over here. I registered to a new university and I am happy to be there everyday.  I hope it will last till I graduate. amen. 

To all my friends, thank you for your support and doa.  I am still looking for an apartment and hope to settle down soon so that I can focus on my study. 

I am quite exhausted and will update with you about my life over here.

Alright then, take care and have a good night

Love ~ Emma xoxo

Family drama

Hi again,

As I shared with you about my family drama this weekend, I’d like to share with you about my feeling reflection towards my new experience in my family. 

I feel sad and cried over the family drama.  I am feeling sad because two persons that I loved most (I have many loved ones included these two persons in my life)  are going to separate due to marriage dissatisfaction and of course, other issues.  I am blessed that I was born in this family from my mom and my dad.  Because both of my parents have taught me to accept people for who they are.  Of course we have our own perceptions towards others but acceptance and respect to others are important.  Trust me, my family ain’t perfect but I am blessed.   I think I wrote in my blog about my childhood.  I realised that I was fortunate about this when I was away from them. 

Anyway, I hope these two persons in my life will always be friend as they have a kid to be taking care of.  He’s a smart boy.  It’s not fair to both or either couple to stay in the marriage because of their child(ren).  I believe we all deserve to be happy in life.  I remember my dean when he asked me whether I wanted to change my uni or not.  I told him, I would think about it first.  For me, PhD is a marriage to me.  I remember one statement he said to me, “Emma, if you don’t feel happy, just do it.  If you know you are not going to be successful in this, change.  I will support you.”  Thus, I wasn’t happy and I felt that I wasn’t be successful in my first ‘marriage’ journey. The most important thing is I have his support all the way.  I was grateful.  He was just like ‘a father’ to me in my career at that time. Yes, it’s an honor even a bonus to graduate my PhD in England.   But if I thought of this ‘honor’ and I was suffering in the marriage, what will happen to me after that?  Same goes with marriage, I think.  (Silly me…I am not married yet and talking about marriage, who am I to talk about marriage… but my thinking is..mmm…silly…just forget it  ). 

Anyway, this whole thing really makes me realise something. I’ve learnt few lessons so far from this family drama.  Even I asked my mom, how to know whether the man is good to me in the future? Won’t hurt me?  My mom replied to me, “It’s luck. You cannot tell.”  Another gamble in life, I think.  We know that when we gamble, it’s either we win or lose, isn’t it? 

My thinking starts to wander about man and marriage.   Many issues in marriage occur when husband cannot be provider, couple cannot create a safe environment at home, financial issues, relationship with family in-laws, kids, educations, needs, wants, etc.  I feel scared actually.  I am thinking to ask my bf about this. hahaha.. I know he will say don’t think too much and focus on my study. hehehe…

I know, I need to do one thing at a time.  I am learning to do that.  But will I lose many things if I just do one thing at a time? Oh boy!  gggrrrrrr….

Ok, one big news for 2010.  Now what’s next? I hope I can be resilient…  

Take care and I need to tug in.  It’s raining over here…Good night..Take care and hope everyone find his happiness.  amen.

Love ~ Emma xx.

Thank you

Dear my bloggers a.k.a. brothers and sisters,

First of all, I’d like to say my thank you to all for always being there, for your prayers and reminders about here and hereafter, for your love and care and for your kindness, sincerity and honesty to me. 

I do have many dreams. Even my real name means ambition.  I am ambitious and I admit it. Sometime to be an ambitious person is not too good as I push myself too hard and I forget that I have my limits.    Some people will say it’s good to push yourself beyond of your limit.  Well, I believe everything has pros and cons. 

Anyway, I never thought of ‘being here’ as I am now.  Alhamdullillah, God gives me this opportunity and He blesses me till now though I make mistakes constantly everyday.  Astagfiruallzim… 

PhD journey really tests my spiritual element inside me.  Sometime I feel I’m failed and this create fear in me.  I am so grateful that I have many friends who offer me some prayers to recite everyday and start to believe I can.  One thing I hold onto is I try not to give up.  I believe every problem has many solutions.  Though sometime I feel exhausted to find and try the solution, I am blessed because I have my parents, family and friends who always be there for me.  Thank you for your ’silience’ which I really appreciate.   What I meant by silience was you never asked many questions.  You gave me space to think and you gave more than questions which was statement of life.  I don’t know whether this is right or wrong, but I know I would feel pressure because of questions that I don’t or may not have the answers to your questions.  Thank you   Please remind me about life. About hereafter. About everything.  Please don’t give up to say something if you think and feel that I am doing ’something’ wrong.  I know, it’s good to learn from the mistakes.  Oh dear..I don’t know what to say…hard to express my gratitude to you all   Only God can pay your kindness to me. 

So my bloggers, thank you for your support.  Please keep supporting me.  Without you, I won’t be here. 

Take care and love you all ~ Emma xx.

New year, new life

Dear all,

 Life  goes on ..we face life obstacles every day, but life has to go on..no matter what.  I believe in this.  No matter how hard the consequence to our life, we just need to believe that everything has its meaning and its blessing. 

I have a couple of news to break out  

One, praise to God that I got the offer letter.  Now is the stage whereby I am waiting for my employer and my sponsor to approve my study leave application, once more.  I just need to ‘get away’ from my workplace for the time-being as I feel I am not belonged there yet. Though others  said it was a bless I was back to work- I am grateful.  And it’s time for me to finish what I’ve started at the end of 2007.   Please keep praying for me and hopefully this time…may I have smooth sailing in my PhD journey..amen… 

Two, another news that is really breaking my heart.  Marriage is a wonderful institution and I believe that.  Husband and wife need to be a team and try to be a good team to sail their ship.  Marriage without blessing is another issue.  Marriage with blessing is another issue.  I heard so many marriage stories lately..I could only listen and pray for my beloved ones.   Personal message to them ~ Back to Him.  Ask for His guidance. Change because of Him and you want to change.  Believe in whatever you believe.  Respect others.  Make friends to your own enemy.  

So my beloved ones, no matter what had happened, I love you all.  Just let me know if you need my help.  I try my best to help you and the least I can do is be your ears. 

Take care..it’s new year..let this Year of 1430H and Year of Tiger gives us a new dimension in life.  Try to improve ourselves without hesitation.  Change to be a better person. 

God bless you ~ Emma xx.

Happy New Year 2010

Good morning all

Happy new year to my beloved bloggers.  May you have a great year with many opportunities.  To be in love and be loved along your way this year. 

I’d like to share one poem that I found on the net (http://www.newyearfestival.com/new-year-poems.html#new-year’s-morning)

Resolutions
Let us try to be good and content,
Kind to each other,
Healthy and gentle and brave,
Obedient to Mother.

For of such were the heroes of old -
Patient in learning,
Seldom rude, seldom cross, never cruel,
From the truth never turning.
A. E. and M. Keary

Take care and please visit my blog  

Love ~ Emma xx.

A weekend gateaway

Hello everyone,

As I shared with you about my last blog, I went to Santubong Resort for a night.  I checked-in yesterday afternoon and checked-out this morning.  Praise to God everything was fine.  I really needed my time alone and had my own space to meditate.  It was good and the most important thing was my mom was really understanding her daughter.  Even my aunt felt weird when I said that to her.  I am grateful that she was not my mom. hehehe..  

I had a great room with view, on top floor and a king-size bed.  I had my long bath this morning.  It was great. 

Every thought I jotted down in my new notebook.  As if, I was doing retreat about me and my life. 

I have few things I need to do.   I will share with you after I’ve done it one by one.  I hope what I am trying to do here will give good in return. 

All right then, take care and have a great weekend ahead. Take care and please keep praying for me.  The meeting will be continued again tomorrow. Hopefully I shall hear a good news about my study on Tuesday or sooner. Amin…

Till then, good luck to everyone

Love~ Emma xx.

Nervous..

Hello again,

I think this is my third blog for today.  I am so nervous. Called the university and the lady asked me to call next Tuesday as they has adjourned  the meeting to next Monday. According to her, there were so many papers need to be presented.  But the good thing is my application is in now. So shall wait till Monday. 

I feel I wanna to get sick…I think I have a little bit of temperature now.  Internally, I am really stressed out.  This is the bad part.  It’s hard for me to ‘express my stress’.  The sign if I have this episode is my period.  It becomes irregular and this month was really a heavy flow.  I was scared if I passed out. Praise to God, I didn’t.  I took supplements like Evening Primrose Rose 500g, vitamin C 1g and other herbs supplements.  I pity my body system.  I really thankful my body is ‘adaptable’ though sometime my body rebels (hehehe..)  Another factors that always keep me up are my family and friends.  My advise is try to maintain your good relationship with your family and friends.  Call your old friends. Call your best friend (yeah, I should call my best friend too..it’s been 4-5 days I didn’t hear from her…hehe).  Spend your time with your beloved one(s).  I do too.  I know sometime I don’t have time and he doesn’t too..but we try to make it happens.  Talk openly…speak your mind.  Though he told me that I am confrontational and may hurt others. hahahah… That’s a sign I have to think more before I speak.  I am practising it but sometime, something and someone really pisses me off. My laser mouth couldn’t wait my brain to give orders. hahahaha…  Thanks dear! xx

 Oh dear…my Xmas spirit is almost gone… I wanna to relax and feel don’t want to see people…I want to hide and meditate.  Oh Lord…please guide me to Your right path..amen. 

I believe there must be a blessing about my life at the moment.   If I got in, meaning I have to prepare urgently for the whole thing. So, God knows better though in my heart I want it! My ‘id’ really kick in this time.  But I have to control and I need to be resilient   Amen…

Meditation..yes..I need that…I think it’s better for me to go for a weekend gateway….I am checking out Santubong Resort. hehehe… hopefully they have a room available for me to meditate. 

Ok then, take care guys. Please keep praying for me…

Love ~ Emma xx.