Hi again,
As I shared with you about my family drama this weekend, I’d like to share with you about my feeling reflection towards my new experience in my family.
I feel sad and cried over the family drama. I am feeling sad because two persons that I loved most (I have many loved ones included these two persons in my life) are going to separate due to marriage dissatisfaction and of course, other issues. I am blessed that I was born in this family from my mom and my dad. Because both of my parents have taught me to accept people for who they are. Of course we have our own perceptions towards others but acceptance and respect to others are important. Trust me, my family ain’t perfect but I am blessed. I think I wrote in my blog about my childhood. I realised that I was fortunate about this when I was away from them.
Anyway, I hope these two persons in my life will always be friend as they have a kid to be taking care of. He’s a smart boy. It’s not fair to both or either couple to stay in the marriage because of their child(ren). I believe we all deserve to be happy in life. I remember my dean when he asked me whether I wanted to change my uni or not. I told him, I would think about it first. For me, PhD is a marriage to me. I remember one statement he said to me, “Emma, if you don’t feel happy, just do it. If you know you are not going to be successful in this, change. I will support you.” Thus, I wasn’t happy and I felt that I wasn’t be successful in my first ‘marriage’ journey. The most important thing is I have his support all the way. I was grateful. He was just like ‘a father’ to me in my career at that time. Yes, it’s an honor even a bonus to graduate my PhD in England. But if I thought of this ‘honor’ and I was suffering in the marriage, what will happen to me after that? Same goes with marriage, I think. (Silly me…I am not married yet and talking about marriage, who am I to talk about marriage… but my thinking is..mmm…silly…just forget it
).
Anyway, this whole thing really makes me realise something. I’ve learnt few lessons so far from this family drama. Even I asked my mom, how to know whether the man is good to me in the future? Won’t hurt me? My mom replied to me, “It’s luck. You cannot tell.” Another gamble in life, I think. We know that when we gamble, it’s either we win or lose, isn’t it?
My thinking starts to wander about man and marriage. Many issues in marriage occur when husband cannot be provider, couple cannot create a safe environment at home, financial issues, relationship with family in-laws, kids, educations, needs, wants, etc. I feel scared actually. I am thinking to ask my bf about this. hahaha.. I know he will say don’t think too much and focus on my study. hehehe…
I know, I need to do one thing at a time. I am learning to do that. But will I lose many things if I just do one thing at a time? Oh boy! gggrrrrrr….
Ok, one big news for 2010. Now what’s next? I hope I can be resilient…
Take care and I need to tug in. It’s raining over here…Good night..Take care and hope everyone find his happiness. amen.
Love ~ Emma xx.