A memory…

Hello guys,

Time flies very fast, doesn’t it?  Today is the third day of Eid. 

I went to the Spring this afternoon as I wanted to buy some books.  I found a book which I knew the author.  I was so surprised and all my past memory with this author came back.  I was smiling while reading his book.  According to the biography of his book, he’s an expert speaker and won many prizes.  I skimmed the book. In fact, I skimmed one page per page.  This is what I always do as a bookworm. 

There were many pictures in the book.  Suprisingly, there were a lot of photos of Chinese participants who attended his workshops.  Only one picture of a Muslim lady with her veil.  I told myself, he never changed and very smart in term of marketing his business.  All the comments of his book and his workshops/seminars were from Chinese community. What happen to other races like Malay, Indian, Natives, etc? I think you know what I am trying to say here. I believe you are smart. 

I thanked him because he taught me Maths.  I went tuition to his center. I dare to say, I was the best student among the Malays, the Chinese, and other races for Math subject in his center at my time.  He was surprised because every week I excelled.  Because of him,  I got A in my maths subject.    After my Form 5, he offered me to be his Math tutor and then be one of his branch managers.  I did for a couple of months. Just for few months, I resigned.  Do you want to know why?

He was bias to Malay.  I know this issue is sensitive in Malaysia.  I told him, he shouldn’t do that.  The worst thing I’ve ever heard and still remember till today is “I get a lot of money from Malays.  They (Malay students) are not good in their study, but I like to promote to Malays because they know I am good in this subject.”  I was really pissed and I said he shouldn’t say that. I am Malay and I am good in Maths, I told him. Then he replied to me, “You are different. You are Chinese.” Gosh!  I was really pissed and I resigned in 24 hours!  Dicrimination is not my thingie. Yes, I am mixed.  But I lost respect to this kind of people even though I learnt a lot from him. 

This thing happened again when I started my work and now, it happened in my previous phd journey. 

I hope one day I can ‘teach’ this kind of people how to respect others and not take advantage of others.  One of the ways is I have to show good values.  Yes, it’s true that others will step our head if we are so naive.  But, I do believe that God always protects us from bad intentions.   

That’s my story for today.  I don’t believe he writes books. I know his motive is to earn a lot of money and will get whatever he wants, no matter what happens.  It’s a good determination of his.   But only his way, I disapprove. 

Anyway, that’s his life. One day, I am sure I will meet him.  I definitely will ask a lot of questions. 

Till then, take care ~ Emma xx.

Salam Aidilfitri

Assalammualaikum wbt & Good day to my dearest bloggers,

First of all, I’d like to wish Salam Aidilfitri to all my parents, family, friends, and bloggers.  Maaf Zahir Batin.  Halal for everything. 

I am so grateful to be at home.  Be with my parents and family.  Nothing could compare this experience.   Alhamdullillah. 

My family and I would like to invite everyone to our house on the first day of Eid.  Our open-house will be from 11am to 4pm tomorrow.  We are looking forward to see you all. 

Till then, take care. 

Love~ Emma xx.

p.s: I still have a little bit of jet-lag.  Feeling sleepy now. lol.

Jet lag is kicking…

Hi again,

Couldn’t sleep. I think the jet lag is kicking or may be my period cramp makes my stomach uneasy. Oh boy!  Hope to sleep soon.  I was asleep just now for like an hour. For some reasons, I woke up and my brain started to wander around.  Thinking what had happened recently. 

I don’t know what to do now.  My brain is not ready to do my uni work.  Listening to Yaseen at the same time. 

It’s drizzling outside.  So cool. Nice.    I can hear frogs ’singing’ outside. I am not sure what song do they sing.  According to old Malay folks, if there are singing frogs outside mean that they call for more rain. lol. I am not sure how true is this. 

I am thinking to do my hair tomorrow. Before that, I need to company my mom to visit the grave yard.  Then, clean the house.  Then, I can do my hair.  Before I do the whole things, I need to do my uni application tomorrow morning.  It’s evening in the UK. Gosh,  it’s my dinner time over there. No wonder, I am a little bit hungry.  I had a small piece of pizza. lol. Poor me! I didn’t realise I just had small piece of pizza.  lol.  Two nights ago, I guess I was too tired and my body couldn’t compromise with my brain. I guess, today, I was not that tired.  lol.  I am sorry, my body.  Please bear with me.  I still have couple of years to have the same effects like this. 

All right then, I’d better check my emails.  Till then guys, good night to Malaysians.  Good evening to Londoners.  lol. 

Love~ Emma xx.

Hello everyone ;)

Hi EVeryone

How are you guys doing? It’s been for ages I didn’t update myself in this blog.  I do apologise. Life in London was crazy and hectic for me.  Time flew really fast.

Just want to let everyone knows, I am at my parents’ house.  Praise to God, everything went well from London to Kuching.  I managed to carry my stuffs to Kuching. I was panicking the night before because I knew I carried more than 20kg and more than 7kg for hand luggage. Praise to God, because of I am student, the lady at the counter allowed me to carry 35 kg and 10 kg of weighs.  Btw, I used Royal Brunei this time.  The flight crews were so friendly.  I met someone who’s doing her phd at the University of Bath.   We exchanged idea and talked a lot of things.  She’s in her final year.  From her way of doing phd, I boosted my self-esteem and self-confidence in doing my phd.  To be honest, I had low self-esteem and self -confidence about what I was doing.  I didn’t get the right support.  Alhamdullillah, I know what I am doing now and what will I do in the future. 

Oh yeah, flew back to Malaysia on the 14th of September and got into Kuching on the 15th.  As usual, my parents, my aunt and cousin came to the airport and picked me up.  So nice to see my parents.  I am blessed to have such a great family.  Alhamdullillah.  My aunt, uncle, and cousins…masyaAllah..only Allah knows how I feel inside my heart. 

Yesterday, we had this kenduri arwah for my late grandma.  Almost everyone was here at my house.  I was so happy to see my family gathered in my house. Everyone was so cheerful though we were all tired.

As for jet lag, I try not to sleep during the day.  lol.  So far so good. But at nights, my eyes and body say that I need to rest early.   I hope my body is recovered from jet lag before Eid. 

Didnt do much today. Did my banking, checked my emails, and replied some.  I got an email from UWIC too.  Havent replied to them.  I need to submit my application soon to Brighton University. My meeting with them was quite promising. I am looking forward to start my phd soon.  amin. 

Tomorrow will busy preparing for Eid.  Thinking to cook on Eid eve. hehehe…  Will see how it goes. 

All right guys, insyaAllah will update you more later. Time to bed.  zzzzz… hehhe..

Love~ Emma xx.

Counting my days

Good morning everyone

How u guys doing? May all is well. 

I slept well last night, for some reason.  Praise to God. I really need that sleep. However, I had a dream.  mm..really woke me up.  lol. 

Anyway, I am counting my days to be with my beloved ones.    I hope it’s not for good..it’s not for good yet…  I hope to come back and complete my mission.  Amen. 

All right then, take care and have a good Sunday ahead. 

Love,

Emma xx.

Expressing…

Hi all,

How are you?  You must be wondering- where the hell is Emma? hahahha… Sorry guys…my life is really ‘down’ now.  I need to make my life ups again! How to do that, I don’t know.  I am trying my hard now. 

My morning didn’t go well today.  I woke up so early because I had a doctor appointment at 8.  When I told the receptionist about my appointment, she simply said ‘You must interpreted the lady yesterday wrongly.’ I said, I don’t think so because I asked the lady whether I should call back as on Thursday to make my appointment.   She said “I can look if there is any free for tomorrow for you.’  I am frustrated with the medical system here though.  I cannot make an appointment in advance. Of course they have good reason behind.  But still I feel this procedure is not right.  There was one old man came this morning and asked was there any availability. He had to come back 20 to 11.  We are ill and expect us to come back for the second time to the surgery.  Oh dear! 

Then came home with annoyed  and I didn’t feel good as people around me had to listen to me.  I didn’t smile as I supposed be.  I whined and annoyed.  Guys, thank you for your patience. 

I finally got what I wanted from my former university. Gosh, I waited for many weeks and this week, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I don’t have much time here.  I know I was so pushy and demanding today but I had to this right.  Might be I was too soft and people tend to take advantage on me.  I asked and asked but in a nice and polite way.  In the real world, there is no such nice way.  Poor me!

Now, it’s my turn to proceed.  I got what I want right.  So, I will do my part and the rest, I leave it to Allah. 

Su was right.  What I need right now is my mom.  I can feel pressure is around me.  It’s negative pressure.  Too much to handle by myself.  I want to take it slowly but I don’t have time to take my sweet time.  I want to take it fasts but I have to wait for another sides. 

I am grateful that I have friends who are willing to listen and help me.   I cannot pay their kindness, only God can. 

All right then, take care and I hope in my next blog, I won’t be like this.  I am tired.  It’s not tired like we always say tired.  I am wondering- is this kinda PTSD or depression symptom?  Oh Lord, please  give me strength to face all circumtances.  Make my life journey easier. Give me good people and good support to help me along the way.  Oh Lord, please don’t be so distant from me as I really need your protection and guidance in this life.  Amin.

Till then, salam Ramadhan.

Love always ~ Emma x.