Merry Xmas To You!! :D

Good morning and Merry Xmas to you all,

How are you doing? It’s raining in Kuching. Oh yeah, I am back to Kuching last week. Few reasons to come back.  One big reason is to take a break from my life in KL and people over there!    Too many things happened and I really needed to recharge! 

Now, I feel homesick.  Missing my apartment and my single life in KL.  I think I cannot be at one place for more than a week!  When I decided to fly back to Kuching, I didn’t buy my return ticket.  I didn’t know when to come back.  Then few days ago, I bought my air ticket back and will fly back to KL next Wednesday night at 8.  I have a company this time.

Last week, I spent my day time at the faculty. It was so pleasant to be with close friends.   Some familiar faces and some local friends.  Unlike in KL, most of my friends are international.    I just need to balance my life up. 

I feel that my visit this time has many purposes.   Too many family dramas, too many other dramas.   No doubt, it’s a tensed situation in family.  And friends, well…I don’t know what to believe and I keep my prayers.  I don’t want to get hurt and hurt others as well.  I did tell a special friend of mine about my feelings.  I think he needed to know about my real feeling and it’s very important as I want to have a healthy working environment next year.  Not only working environment, but also my personal life. 

At the moment, I am thinking deeply.  I’d like to help a friend.  But for some reasons, if I helped ‘in this kind of situation’ (just say it’s M), I am afraid if I lost him.   Friendship doesn’t go along with M.  It’s a bad bad thing.  I need to think how to not feel awkward and our friendship is remained after this.    I feel that as his friend, I need to help him.  I can feel his burden and no one cares and knows.    There were many times I had this thought- if he is really married, then where is the wife?  What’s the point of having a wife, but couldn’t help?  Oh well, that’s another story, isn’t it?  So, see how it goes.  I hope I can help him on the basis of our friendship.  I want to show him that he’s not alone (he always tells me that he’s alone in this journey and needs to work out by himself), and want to tell him, what happiness means.  For God’s willing

Oh yeah, remember when I shared with you all about the M proposal?  Did I tell everyone, I agreed to talk about this?  Yes, at first I was chicken out. hahahha   Last night, on emas eve, I talked to him.  He was really serious and for God’s willing, we are going to see and sit down and talk about this thoroughly.  It’s going to be tough due to our big differences.  My concern is about his sacrifice to convert to Islam, his move to Malaysia, and many things.  But I do believe this, if a man wants to do this because of wanting to be with me, I guess, I can consider his proposal.   Yes, love is another story.  Love doesn’t always mean we will be fine.  So many things need to think about. Like money which this topic or issue always becomes a problem in marriage nowadays.  I know I have to go back to my first intention- why do I want to get married?  I want companionship.  I want to be with someone who loves me, makes me happier, and appreciate this life. And at the same time, I want stability and security in all aspects.     amen..I know, I am a demanding.

all righ then, take care.

love~emma xx.