This is ‘me’ now..”Learn to reflect”.

Hey guys,

How are you doing today?  I am fine, thank you and much happier after I had my hair-cut this morning. lol.  I love someone pampered my hair. Or pamper me as a whole me! hehehe..I want to talk about me this time.  I just took this psychological test on ‘Are you ready to make your comeback?’ by Dr Rebecca McGuire -Snieckus.

Right, the score was (jeng jeng jeng…hehehe)…. 

Taking a pragmatic approach, you are keen to do whatever you can to improve your situation. Not one to dwell on what has come before, you tend to focus on where you are headed next. Flexible, optimistic and constructive, you are quick to explore your options and then move on.  By searching for an immediate solution you might risk missing out on the opportunity to reflect on what you really want.  What are your priorities? What do you value? How can you incorporate them into your future? Resist the urge to snap up the first opportunity that comes along, or falling into the familiar.  Keeping busy may protect you from feelings you are uncomfortable facing. When reactions are diffused we can think more clearly and open ourselves to new opportunities.  As philosopher Ralkp Waldo Emerson said, ‘When it is dark enough you can see the star.’ Step back to consider what future you really want to paint for yourself. Be patient if things don’t move as quickly as you would like.  Things can and will change for the better.  (Psyschology Magazine, July 2009)

Amen…………

Things can and will change for the better…I really hope that! I hope sooner. I am not sure whether I can stand and be in the ‘circle’ all the time.   

I have to be more patient if something doesn’t move quickly as I wanted to be.  Those who knew the way I worked before, they would know how quickly I did my tasks.  Sometimes, the way I worked really irritated them as well. My sincere apology. 

I learnt something last week.  I just need to pray and leave it to God if something I cannot control in life.  I did pray, and this week, my prayer has been answered. I like it because I have what I wanted.  But now, I am facing the consequences.  This means, I have to pray and wish carefully. 

Now, I am praying for something……  amen…. 

Happy day everyone.  London is so muggy at the moment.  So grey!   LOL

Love,

Emma xx.

p.s.: Oh no, I found some grey hairs this morning!!!!  heheheh…xxx.

Does age matter if we want to love someone?

To my dearest bloggers,

Love..love..love…what a great feeling, right?  I love to be loved and (trying) to love someone who are not blood-related. Love’s in the air…mmm..nice…Love always makes me smile everytime I remember him.  Love always makes me move on in this scary life journey.   It doesn’t matter where am I, but if I can feel and smell of love, I feel secure. I feel someone’s protecting me from the evil out there. 

Love is a subjective feeling, isn’t it?  Can we love someone every day and every second?  I doubt it, to be honest. I like to fall in love. The feeling of falling in love is so great! To say the three words- is precious for me.  I love to hear these three words when someone really means the phrase.  Not because I want to hear that.  I have to admit, I do feel scare if someone says that to me though- how weird is that yeah! I want, but I am scared.  See, it really shows that I am still afraid of committment. 

I dont like to hurt people’s feeling because I don’t want people hurt my feeling.  I am so protective about it.  I know, without knowing the pain of being hurt, I won’t learn about love.  Pain and hurt can make someone give more love and accept more love. 

A question that we always ask – Does age matter if we want to love someone?  Does age matter if we want to settle down? Does age matter for everything?   Who doesnt want to live happily ever after in this life?  I want..of course everyone wants.  We all deserve great life, happiness, and blessing.  We always want to grow our love so that we can live this life fully. Interesting yeah talking about this.  So, tell me..does age matter when we love someone? 

All right guys, it’s really late. Need to snooze.  Had a long day and evening.  Take care and hope I can get the answer of my question soon. 

Have a great night.  Sweet dreams. Hugs and kisses from me always.

Love,

Emma xx.

Homesick :-/

Dear all,

I feel homesick since I came back from Malaysia last Thursday.  Especially on last Friday morning. About two months ago, I was surrounded by my family at home and friends, companied by my beloved ones.  Suddenly, in ‘one second’, they are not with me again.  That’s life, isn’t it?  I am grateful that I still have opportunity to see and visit them. 

From this life, I realize that I am a people-oriented person.  I need people around me to motivate me move on.  I realize that. I can do lot and more with people around me.  I also realize, I have had enough by living by myself. Previous life of mine, I was alright to be by myself.  Went out by myself. Travelled by myself.  Everything was by myself. And now, I discovered something- I want to be with family and friends and do many things together.  I guess, the more I get older, the more I want companionships.  I love hugs and kisses.  I have had enough with virtual hugs and kisses.  I have to change that.  PhD is really teaching me a lot here.   The true life..the true love..the true people, the true challenges, and  the truth of me. 

Anyway, I have to stop now.  Hoping my homesick feeling, jetlag, will go away soon. 

To my family: Mak, Bapak, Aspa, Usu Laki, Usu Ompuan, Boy, Baby, & Girl, Kak Coryina & Aldrin, Kak Shirley, Biri & Danial, Faisal, Shima, Shasha, & Balqis & Shima’s family, Auntie Bee Lan, Auntie Hilda & Uncle Johan, Lina & family – I MISS YOU ALL LOADS. LOVE YOU ALL.  HUGS AND KISSES FOR U ALL. 

To my loved one: Thank you so much for your time and companionship.  I know you were busy with your work, but still you could spend time with me.  Thank you for your love and care.  I miss you. Hugs and kisses for u.  Till we meet again. xxxx

To my best friend, Atika – Thank you for your time I enjoyed our Friday afternoon outing session. hehehe..FYI, we went to the Spring almost on Friday afternoon. hehehe… So, I guess you know where will I be on every Friday afternoon after I completed my phd…I’ll be with Atika. hahahaha..No, just kidding. 

To Kak Sal – Thanks for your time as well.  Thanks for your ears.  Every time I talk to you, I feel like I am back to my own feet again. You are a just a good sister to me.  I wish you all the best. 

To Najidah- Thanks for your TLC.  May Allah always be with us. amin… xxx.. 

To my friends, thanks for everything.  I hope to see you all again.

To Auntie Zu- it was a pleasure to see you again.  Take care auntie. You are one of the persons who I’d love to visit everytime I go back.  Thanks for your prayers, love and care. 

Alright..it’s enough.  Wanna watching movie ‘Just dessert’ on Five US. hehe..I don’t want to be so emotional. Need to relax and sleep. hahahha…

Take care and till we meet again.

Love,

Emma xx.

Me and My Psychology ;)

Hello all,

How’s everybody? 

My weekend is great.  It’s still Sunday night. So, I still have my weekend night. heheheh..  Tomorrow..ggrrr…feel need to do something- meeting my supervisor..ggrrr..hehehe..

Anyway, I’d like to share with everyone about my dearly Kak Shaz’s comment – about me changing the web design in few days.  If you want to know the whole story, go to my ‘Analyzing now…’ column, and read Kak Shaz’s comment. That will help you to understand what I am trying to post here. heheheh.

Ok..Yes, I admit that I always change my web designs for my blog.  I found one I really like, and I feel that I don’t want to be in that comfort zone. Sometime, when I am in my comfort zone too much, I get bored easily.  Yes, you may argue, when we like something, we won’t feel bored. But I do!  I do have my own preference.  May be, bore is not a good word to describe this. I’d like to try new thing. I want to feel what other thing bests for me.  Interesting yeah!

If you want to know my life now, I also need to admit..my life is not certain now. Studying..I love to study. I like to feel the moments every day. On the other hand, I feel so anxious every day. The reason I am anxious is because I am not certain what’s going to happen. Unlike working, I know what’s what. I have my target..may be short target.  I know who to contact. I can control my surrounding. Yes, I do have long target (of course, I want to excel in my PhD) – I want to complete my PhD in 2010!  To be exact October, 2010.  An example of uncertainty is participant recruitment for my research, it’s a nightmare. It’s good though to have some difficulties..so that I learn the British school system.    

Yes, my life now is about my PhD thingie.  I realize something..life is not about studying or working.  Life is about interacting with people and nature.  It’s good to be abroad. Meeting people from other countries and learn their cultures at the same time. Appreciate the nature and other experience.     Language is definitely a medium for us to communicate.  

I am not good in making friends but counseling skills helps me. But still, trust is my issue here to make friends.   At the same time, I pray meeting good people. Yes, I need to meet bad people as well so that I learn life is beautiful and learn from them. Well, they are not bad though..but their behaviors make them bad.

I open with anything and try to use my wisdom.  Don’t talk more, act more. This is me.  But these days, I talked a lot and I need to shut up.  Oh well..my friends and ex-es used my pyschology knowledge  as their weapon to ‘attack’ me. I feel so offensive.  Just want to let you all know, even though I study about human mind and behaviors, I try not to mix my professional life with my personal life! What I learn is related about my life.  I feel so grateful because I know more about this.  We are human, we want to know more. I have a lot of issues in my life. Is it wrong for me to learn about my own life?  Is it wrong for me to learn more about human mind and behavior? 

I really piss-off if they say that to me.  FYI, everyone knows psychology and practice psychology every day.  Whether they have psychology degree or not. Trust me about this..for example, when you talk to people, you see their behavior and they way they talk. We have instinct.  We make reasoning.  We solve problem and make decision. And many things..these all are related to psychology.  

Let me share with you one recent example when my friend here told me that I used my expertise in the game. Yesterday, I went to a BBQ picnic and we played a game “Find a killer”.  So, I guessed the right “killer” which was my friend. Then he gave comments that I used my expertise in the game.  Well, everyone did his or her reasonings.  Oh well..so hard. 

My dear bloggers, please..don’t say that to me. I want to live my life happily. I have my own life. My life is not about working or studying.  I want to have many good friends. I want to be able go out and hang out with you all.  I don’t want you to feel insecure with me, afraid of me ‘reading your mind’. I don’t read your mind. I don’t know how to.  I don’t know why people always have this stereotype – Psychologists/ counselors read people’s mind. That’s bullshit!  Give me a break!  If I know what’s in people’s mind, I would help this world.  I am not perfect. Even though sometime I can be a perfectionist. hehhehehe..I try to work on this characteristic of mine..This makes me crazy and if I couldn’t control this behavior, I have potential to  OCD. hehehe..

So guys..this is my life now.  Changing web designs does show my current situation now.  I am going to move again in September. My life is up and down.  Friends are every where but I am not sure whether I can trust them.  One childish situation had happened yesterday. A friend told me that I closed to my friends so quickly.  Is it wrong me to be a warm person?  Gosh!  When I heard this from my friend, I was so shocked. Who was he to tell me not to be closed with others?  Anyway, forget about him.  So pointless thinking about that. Anyway…back to the my current situation..I want to see different things everyday. I love comfort zone. That’s why, when I am in bed..the first thing I try to find is my comfort zone.  But I also want some changes in my life.

I’d better get going.  Thank you so much for always visiting me.  Come again.

Take care and miss you all.

Love, Emma xx.

Introducing myself to the world :)

Hey,

My name is Emma!  And this is my new blog column!  I am 30 and still single (mm..I wonder why? – I shall let you know why later..hehe).. but I do have someone special in my life.  To introduce him, I think I need to ask his permission first. Then will announce to everyone yeah! 

I am a Malaysian, studying in London..to be exact in South East London.  I came here last year- end of October- a drastic decision after a ‘tragedy’ happened in my life. Hey, everyone has pathetic story, right? I was so blessed because this was what I wanted to do with God’s willing, of course. 

I could say, I am a successful career lady as after my first degree, I got an offer from a local university back home.  It happened in 2001.  Then, I worked as a tutor and pursued my master in the States for 2 years.  Went back to Malaysia as agreed in the contract, and worked as a lecturer.  I really enjoyed my career life though..even though, I didn’t have much time with my parents and other family members. Well, my parents, especially, always complained to me to spend time and take more rest at home.  I worked like crazy even over the weekends and late nights, I would say! I loved my job. I loved teaching, written academic papers and presented research papers at conferences, etc. 

Then, I started to feel – ‘Hey, I need a break in my life’..so here I am.  I am on my study-leave now and finger-crossed (hehhe)..I hope I can complete my PhD in 2010.  amen…I am doing research full-time.  I love researching. I am studying on young people and young adults’ resilience in a new place.  I am going to make  comparison between Malaysia and England studies. Sound big yeah..I know..it’s scary!  Anyway, pray for me.  I want to contribute something in this resilience study, especially to the Malaysian populations. The outcomes from my PhD will be a framework of resilience and a resilience measure in educational setting.  Again..please pray for me..I don’t mind to share knowledge and discuss about my topic, for those who are interested.  Right now, I have to think the definition of RISK in  a new environment..and who knows..talking with you all will give me some idea. 

OK..you don’t want to know about what I am doing here..OK..let’s talk about other things..

My hobbies – heheh…I love to read (no wonder I like to research yeah)…love to travel and sorry to say this..I love to sleep (I guess, I don’t have quality sleeps so far).

I just finished reading these 2 novels by Cecelia Ahern – P.S. I Love You and When Rainbows End.   Gosh! These novels are brilliant.  P.S. I love you – at first I didn’t understand what actually Ahern wanted to say and then..the moments came…I cried every chapter!!! So touching..Well done, Cecelia Ahern!  There was a movie based on this novel. Hey guys, if you like this kind of story..go for it! It’s worthwhile buying.  I am planning to buy the DVD later, if I have extra pounds.   hehehe..

When Rainbows End- the novel was all right but I prefer the first one.  The way Ahern written this novel- at first, I was so tired reading the ‘emails’ writing styles..then after a while, I understood the story. hahaha…

Do you have any book recommendations for me to read? Please share with me!

Travel – In April, I went to Barcelona, Spain for the second time. I went by myself (boring huh?!) but I really enjoyed the people, the culture, the architectures, and the roses in Spain are huge..massive! I learnt Spanish before I went there. So, I know a little bit of Spanish language now-  “iHola! Me llamo Emma. Estoy soltera. Hablo un poco de espanol. Estoy aqui de vacasiones.” I met good people there..most of them, Spanish guys.  hahah..I guess this is the gender factors.  My reason went to Barcelona for the second time, because I wanted to enjoy and appreciate the architectures. My fav architect now is Antoni Gaudi.   I went to almost every attraction place in Barcelona such as Sagrada Familia, Spanish Village, Aquarium, de Ramblas, de Placa Catalunya, the Barceloneta Beach, Olympic Stadium, the government buildings, etc.  I loved the latte there.  The spanish guys at the cafe were so handsome and generous. I went there for breakfasts and tea times. heheh…Loved their service – Gracias!

Then, last 3 weeks, I went to Cardiff, Wales. I didn’t go anywhere. Just stayed at my friend’s apartment.  I was sick for about 2-3 weeks due the hayfever.  So, I told my friend, I needed to get away from London.  I spent there for about 4 days and I was recovered!  Praise to God.  It was so crazy when I was here by myself, sick and no one took care of me.  Well, that’s another story- could be a good lesson to overseas students too- how was I manage to be here without my parents and loved one?

The following week, I went to Brighton, Sussex.  I went to the Royal of Pavillion. Awesome pavillion!  Amazing how Chinese cultures influenced the architecture of English royalty. Oh, loved that city too!  I went to the beach as well. 

My next destination is to Manchester, end of July.  So, for those who are in Manchester, I will be there and may be we can hang-up or do something. I will be there for 4 days.  Then, I will go to Cardiff again. And those who are in Cardiff, let’s meet up too.  This time, I hope I can visit few places in Cardiff. I love England because of the scenaries. 

Then, I shall fly back to Malaysia sometimes end of this year- to collect my data.  Hope everything goes fine.  Amen. 

All right..too much explanation yeah about my hobbies. 

About my family- I am the youngest and the spoilt-brat in the family. It’s good for me to be away from my family for few months/years to learn my life skills such as cooking, doing laundry, ironing, take care of myself, etc.  I lived with my parents and both of them are pensioners.  I only have 1 big sister.  No pets- used to have cats. But so sad when they died. So mom told me, no more cats.  Also we used to have fishes like gold fishes, “DBKU” fishes (hahaha)…

I am from Sarawak. I could say myself as a city girl.  But I am not that a socialable girl though..very well-mannered.  I came from a mixed-marriage: Dad is Malay and Mom is Chinese (Guys, she’s not from China yeah..Malaysia has many races..many Westerners get confused about this), therefore, I am a Malay. Many people that I met, they thought I was a Chinese or converted. hahahah…So funny…Anyway..love diversity. 

My first language is Malay and my second language is English.  I know how to read Arabic. I just passed my 1st level of Mandarin. Nihao! Jiao wo Emma ba. Hen gaoxing jiandao ni. I can converse for simple conversations, and also I can count. Now, I have my own Mandarin teacher. He’s from China. He will teach me Mandarin and I will teach him English.  Great business, right?  I know a little bit of Spanish and now my French friend is teaching me French! hahahaha…It is so true that French language is so romantic!  When he spoke to me last time in French, I was speechless- not that I knew what he was saying, but the rhytm of French..gosh!  hahaha…

I think I introduced too much about myself.  I better stop now.  Enjoy my blog! 

Love,

Emma xxo.