Emma1202's Weblog

I Am Learning… January 8, 2015

Dear my dearest bloggers.

“When was the last time you give compliment to someone?” – I like to start this question in my opening 😉

Guys, how are you? It’s been a long two days for me and my colleagues. We just lost a student this very early morning. She fought till then end. Death is certain and we don’t know when our time is. This morning, I was wandering- I wonder how much good deeds I do so far in this world? Will my last word ‘laaillaahaillallah’? How’s my part? Oh Allah, please give me, my parents, siblings, relatives, friends, brothers and sisters around the world, the best in this life till we die. amin..

Life is so short and I believe we are towards to end of the world. So many things happen around us. The war, natural disasters, human errors.. I believe this world is very old. Yet, I do hope I can achieve few things in life before I meet my Creator. I hope with my little knowledge, I can do good to people who around me. I know I cannot solve world’s problems. I reckon, to be a wife and to be a mother are my focus in life now. Praise to Allah, I have my education and career. Yes, I do want to grow in my career. No doubt about that! I do believe, if I found ‘the man’, he shall support me and vice versa. I don’t want to succeed alone. I love being hand-in-hand with someone. Share and be blessed together 🙂 For God’s willing 😉

An advertisement- Yes, I know- I start to worry about my PhD. I haven’t heard about my viva status. I keep trying to call the graduate school, but no luck still. I hope good reasons behind of this for me.

Anyway guys, as I mention, Life is so short, thus we need to live our life to the fullest. Balance our life in a good way. However, please keep remind each other. God always test us in various way. I hope we have good heart, not doing something for some returns. I think it’s not a problem to be an innocent or naive as long as our heart doesn’t have hatred or bad emotion towards someone or something.

It’s true when we are having a bad and long day, a good company and some healthy compliments will make us stronger and there is still belief. But please remember guys, don’t listen to the ‘bad guys’. Nauzubillah…

Acquaints or strangers are the best complimenter – I reckon. They don’t know us and they perceive first and fresh information about us. They observe us from our behaviors. The way we talk to people, the way we respond to people, and the way we use our words and our intonations. The way we present ourselves. They may not know yet our true colors, but it is true that first impression counts! Yes, in counseling, we cannot judge but as human being, this is us. But we need to remind ourselves to think and perceive good things about someones. I am not sure though, whether my statement is correct. But this is me. I am not good in initiating conversation with strangers or people I ain’t close enough. Some people may thing I am fierce, I am soft, I am ..this and that… This whole thing is about what I just mentioned just now.. “The way….” The perceptions.. So I guess, start from now, we need to do good to others. Never have bad intentions, false belief..let’s pray together that we are with the right and noble people who God blessed them always.

Grieving is normal when we have our biggest loss. Loss of loved ones, break-ups, etc.. I know the feelings may not the same from different individuals. But grieving is still grieving. It is an emotional trauma and it is a normal reaction due to trauma. That’s why we don’t feel exhausted about having this feeling until…. we realize something. Until we think back what are the things we did before the loss? We start to question ourselves. We start to reflect, reminisce and we start to believe something may happen to us..some people say about karma. Wallahua’alam…

Interesting right, about life? There are many things I want to do- 1. I want to pay my debts. This is so crucial now. I am worried. I don’t want to trouble my next-of-kin about this. I hope SOON I can pay my debts! I am tired of having this feeling.. unsettled..I start to question my stupidity last time. If I could go back to my past, the thing I wanted to undo is ‘this’. To undo my stupidity. I know I sound so irrational but I guess this is part of resiliency. One of the criteria of being resilient is we acknowledge our weaknesses and try our best to find means and ways to undo or change the weakness to a strength. For God’s willing.

Oh Allah..protect me, my family, my friends, my brothers and sisters around the world. Please give us strength to sail this wavy ocean of Yours..to acknowledge every bumps in life and wake us up so that we won’t fall down so deeply. Give us Your love, because I know You have the greatest love, unconditionally. Teach us and open our hearts to other’s love.

I ain’t Mother Theresa, but I am Emma. I want to be a good Muslim (I am still learning to be one and need someone to guide me ‘dunia akhirat’), a good daughter, a good sister to my big sister, and a good sister to my other sisters. I am learning to love again. I am learning to trust again. I am learning to forgive. I am learning to accept. I am learning to think rationally. I am learning to have good heart. Amin…

All right my dearest bloggers..It’s 12 midnight. New day..welcome to the 8th of January. Hey, it’s my cousin’s birthday. I want to wish her a Happy Birthday. And a happy news I just received.. a friend of mine from work, was accompanying our student’s family back to Kelantan who passed away this morning, safely landed to Kuching at midnight. Alhamdullillah..indeed he has a great heart. I don’t think I can do as his. He’s a good man too. I hope to meet many people who have good heart so that I can learn from them, the good ones 😉

Ok then, let me stop here and good night my dearest bloggers. Sweet dreams and thank you for reading my blog today. You are indeed a great ‘listener’! Please believe you are beautiful! 😀

Love always from me ~ Emma xx